Validation, are you feeling Ken–enough?

Having recently taken my niece to watch the Barbie film I feel moved to write this blog about validation. The tag line to the trailer goes “To live in Barbie Land is to be a perfect being in a perfect place. Unless you have a full-on existential crisis. Or you’re a Ken.” Without giving too much away for anyone in the world who is yet to see the film (is there anyone left out there?) there is a theme for Ken to discover happiness through self-validation.

What is validation?

Let’s dig deeper into this. Self-validation is about feeling good about ourselves being open and able to receive praise and recognition. It’s about accepting of ourselves whilst recognising our achievements. There are many links to self confidence, self esteem and how we value ourselves.

External validation is when we rely upon others to feel good about ourselves. Getting approval from others is so important, for example that we are performing at the right standard or level in the workplace or even that we are wearing the right clothes.  If we do not get this ‘approval’ it can lead to self-doubt and a lack of confidence. In day to day life, it can create a dependence upon approval of posts in social media and difficult to establish boundaries.

As we depend on others for their opinion, our self-value decreases. This can be detrimental in decision making and relationships.

What can we do about it?

It all starts with you.

Understanding who you are and the relationship you have with yourself is key to personal growth and making change, should you desire it.

When we work with change, there are three key requisites for change to follow:

Release major negative emotions

There are five major negative emotions of anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt  holding us back. You know, all the emotional baggage that we carry around on our shoulders weighing us down which we collect over the years. Ever hear that phrase “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?” We use an approach called Time Line Therapy® to release negative emotions which is a powerful and enlightening experience – like pouring bleach down an emotionally clogged drain. Time Line Therapy® is taught as part of our 4 in 1 NLP Practitioner Training offer.

Take action

This is about moving from being at effect to being at cause. When we are at effect we are giving away our personal power to others, citing reasons and excuses for where and why we are where we are. To start to move away from being at effect we must take ownership and responsibility for everything that has happened. Only by doing this will we be able to move forward towards being at cause and that’s what we want! Being at cause for everything that will happen in your life is extremely empowering and is where we want to be.

Focus on what you want and enforce your boundaries

Now that you are absolutely focusing on what you want, every day and in every way, you will be also enforcing your boundaries. Notice an increase in the use of yes and no in your day to day. You choose your response to whatever is going on and by having that choice, you are taking back control which feels great.

Having control over what we want, making choices for ourselves and our actions is the start to a renewed empowering relationship with self, improving self-esteem, confidence and finding happiness.

So, go for it, Ken!


To find out more about Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and how it can make your difference in life, work, career, sport and personal growth with accredited training or coaching get in touch.


Share this article:

Rod Hahlo

Rod is a Trainer of NLP and Personal Development Master Coach, based in Bolton, Lancashire.

Found our resources useful?

Subscribe for updates. Privacy policy