Do You Wear Your Socks, or Do Your Socks Wear You?
It happened without a fanfare, ceremony, or conscious intention.
One moment I looked down and noticed something not quite right, you know that feeling. I had put my socks on the wrong feet. How did I know?
They were not just plain socks. They were socks with a handily placed and stitched ‘L’ and ‘R’. Despite those cues staring up at me, my brain had completely bypassed them as I had unconsciously put them on.
Once I became aware, a curious inner standoff began.
I found myself facing two choices:
Leave them on and enjoy the rebellion. There was a strange thrill in walking around knowing I was defying the ‘rules’.
Stop and correct the ‘mistake’. Restore order to the universe and soothe the nagging internal itch that whispers things must be done ‘properly’.
At this pause, I became aware of some unsettling questions. Was this a big deal? What inner rulebook was I consulting? More importantly, how would that single tiny decision impact the rest of my day? Would leaving them on help or hinder?
If it starts with socks where can it progress? If we were to consider L and R stitching as labels, how far do you go within or past the label. Here are some everyday examples.
Rule of Sock: Right sock on right foot
Life ‘rule’: Best practice is, this the way to do this, stay in your own lane, Sunday lunch is for eating on Sundays only (likewise Fish Friday), stick to the job description (boundaries) and not step outside, or how about the labels of ‘manager’ or ‘specialist’? What is your approach to these, do you obey the label?
Rule of Sock: Letters MUST match the correct foot
Life ‘rule’: Changing career direction at 50 means I have failed! I am 28 and still living with my parents, I must own a house by 30. Where are these ‘rules’ coming from? There are no chronological sequencies that we must follow, nor financial. It is as if there is an invisible timeline that we are comparing our version of reality to which we are reacting.
Just as a foot goes into a sock marked ‘L’ doesn’t mean the foot becomes the left foot. You are not the label assigned from Personality Profiles or from childhood. The label is merely a label like an observation of a behaviour of a pattern. So it is not set in stone, nor is your behaviour, who you are.
In an age where we are surrounded by labels, in the media, social media, workplace and in life, the ones which can cause the most problems are self-imposed. Examples such as I am an introvert, (therefore I am not joining you tonight), I am not a numbers person (so don’t give me the restaurant bill to work out) or I am always late (so don’t expect me to be there on time). A common example could be “I have anxiety”. To explain, in NLP, we are keen to separate the behaviour from the actual person. When you change a label that is an ‘identity’ to that of a temporary state, it makes it more manageable to work with and overcome.
Rule of Sock: If it doesn’t look right, it must feel bad.
Life rule: If you are not achieving, you are wasting time. Who feels a little guilty on a Sunday afternoon sitting still watching TV? Or checking emails whilst on holiday to just ‘keep on top’ of things, or feel bad if you take a full lunch break or go home at 5pm? What does it say about our culture and the ‘invisible rules’ that we should always be ‘on’ and doing stuff?
The Map is Not the Territory
In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) students learn a core premise that the map is not the territory. In this blog for example, the ‘map’ is the letter printed on the sock, the job title on your ID badge, the name on your parking bay or the name of your behaviour or condition. The territory is the actual experience, which we personalise through individual filters to make it into our own map (we call it a model of the world). As we label our experience of the map, it becomes our reality. And everyone has their own.
When you realise this, it enables us to think a little differently and take back control. When you know that you are feeling uncomfortable over the ‘L’ sock being on the right foot, you start to notice many other ‘invisible rules’. Ask yourself, is it serving my best interests to obey that rule of ‘L’ and ‘R’?
If you want to break out of your ‘invisible rules’, live life on your terms and help others. Find out more about training in our enhanced NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapy Certification or get in touch to arrange a chat to explore your needs.
